On celebrating life's cupcakes....

"Nobody notices the bridge that doesn't fall down."

My dad, in all his infinite wisdom, said that the other day. It stems from a conversation he had with another person regarding choosing to see the good in life. As humans, we're pretty notorious for only noticing the bad and the ugly. Just looking at the daily news proves that. Big earthquakes mean big death tolls. Crazy moms that (allegedly) murder their children. Cruise ships that run aground and the people that die. Snowstorms that cause insane traffic pile-ups. I mean, look at how long coverage of 9/11 lasted (and, honestly, continues to last). We fixate on things that are just horrible.

Really, when was the last time you heard AND REMEMBERED a happy news story? I have no idea. Sure, part of that stems from the fact that I don't have television right now, but I've always been a chronic news-watcher/reader and I honestly can't remember the last happy story I heard.

Because of this (and a million other reasons), it has to be a conscious choice, a concerted effort, to see the good in life. There are crappy things that happen all the time, we can't get around that. But what's stopping me from ignoring the bad and fixating, instead, on the good. My pastor said it best, I think: "There are no bad endings." It makes me think of the SEVERAL crummy days I had last week. I can continue to think about how bad those days were, dwelling on things I can't change, or I can remember that because of those bad days, I treated myself to a cupcake! And let's be honest...cupcakes are a pretty good ending (at least, for me)!

Of course, there are much bigger, much harder things to wade through. Much more distressing than anything that happens at work. My personal life is in a bit of upheaval right now...kind of the most upheaval I've ever experienced. It's a crappy ending right now. It's nearly impossible to see the good in it. I have a friend that is experiencing similar personal turmoil and I don't know how or if she's able to see the happy ending in it. But what I believe for myself and for her is that somewhere, somehow, there can be a pretty thick silver lining. It might not happen tomorrow. It might not happen for YEARS. But I'm choosing to believe (for both of us) that it can and will come around.

And in the meantime, I'll celebrate my cupcakes!

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch

On finding peace in the mundane....

I'm a creature of habit and routine. Nothing about that statement should really surprise anyone. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. There's very little in my day that goes differently from one to the next. I get up at the same time, do the same things, drink the same coffee, drive the same way to work, and most days, I even eat the same thing. 

I know that for some people that sounds incredibly boring. It sounds boring to me, just to say it. I don't require a whole lot of excitement in my life, honestly. In fact, what I'm trying to find at this juncture is some peace. So when I think about my daily routine, it makes me wonder: what about anything I do gives me peace? What is something that goes on in my everyday that makes me feel okay? 

There are a lot of things. A long, hot shower always makes me feel good. Getting emails from friends, it's hard to beat that. When Leo calms down long enough to take a nap with me, that's pretty relaxing and peaceful. But, honestly, the one thing that is really the most peaceful for me (at least, right now) is when I blowdry my hair. 

I think part of that comes from how distressing it used to be for me to do that. I won't go into detail about why blowdrying my hair used to cause me such great stress. Suffice it to say, I don't often feel that way anymore. And my hair is hanging on to the remnants of one of the best coloring and highlighting jobs it's ever had, so seeing that every morning just makes me happy. 

It's the little things, I guess.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.

 

Contact Use.The.Clutch

On bearing the scars....

"No one cares about the hero until the hero has a crisis to overcome...that's when the story begins."

Someone from my distant past said that to me several weeks ago and it's caused me great pause in my own life, reflecting on what has happened in the last few months. I've experience the full breadth of emotions in that time: sadness, fear, anger, loneliness, disgust, regret, empathy, wistfulness, hope, shame. You name it, I've felt it.

In the midst of all that, it's been hard, but I'm trying to re-discover who I am. I'm not trying to re-define myself or turn into someone I know I'm not. I think I've just been trying to reacquaint myself with myself. 

So who am I? 

I'm a homebody that loves a good night on the town. I'm a Jesus-loving girl that enjoys going to church not just for the spiritual aspects, but for the friendship. I am not a city girl, but I love being in the city for small bursts of time. I am a family girl, but they drive me crazy sometimes and, in those moments, I don't feel guilty for wanting a break from them...even if that break lasts for a week or more at a time. I am very independent, but every now and again, I need to know that I can depend on someone else. I can be, and sometimes am, a very selfish person. I get angry at things and people and situations that I should direct my anger at. For lack of better words: "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child...I'm a sinner, I'm a saint."

I have as many bad qualities as I do good. It's a matter of learning to exhibit the good and minimize the bad. It's learning to be okay when someone points out the bad and being able to recognize it on my own. 

It's understanding how I've been hurt and realizing where I failed and the hurt I caused. 

I am hurt and lonely. But I am also hurtful. 

I will take that feeling with me wherever I go and I will surely take it into my future. But rather than wallow in it, I will choose to feel it fully, learn from it, and move on. 

It's the only way anything will make sense.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch

On preparing for what's coming up....

I think there are plenty of lessons that can be learned when looking back on a year lived. It's natural (at least, I hope it is) to want to learn from our past and our mistakes and our accomplishments. For me, it's hard to define the things that I learn in a year (unless I've been in school and then I can tell you pretty concretely what I've learned) so I end up reading about it from other people.

There's this woman whose life story is pretty incredible and now she's a wildly successful business owner who travels the world doing her thang. Recently, she posted a couple Top Ten Lists of lessons she learned during the course of 2011. So without further adieu, please click below and learn "Lewd Life Lessons" from ash Ambirdge (fair warning: She did title them LEWD, so don't be surprised):

Lewd Lessons #1
Lewd(er) Lessons #2

Beyond the funny, some of those things really do ring true. I mean, who among us doesn't need to be told that, hey, when you're tired, there's a reason! You should probably pay attention to that. At least, I know I should. It happened to me today, actually. Five hours of sleep does not a productive or accurate employee make. And I effed away my day in some pretty huge ways. Dammit.

But then there was this piece that I read by my best friend who has a way with words that I rarely see. And she reminded me that the "even more" in our lives is what we should be searching for. We are often meant for more than we give ourselves credit for or allow ourselves to be.

So that's what I've gleaned from 2011. Take some naps and be prepared for what's to come.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch

On getting some answers....

I’m the type of person that always wants to be “in the know.” I love knowing about the newest restaurants or latest fashion, even the best beers. It’s part of why I read magazines like Vanity Fair and 5280. I just want to know what’s going on around me.   

Unfortunately, this can also sort of bite me in the ass from time to time. Wanting (sometimes even needing) to know everything can often involve knowing too much, being given information I didn’t realize I didn’t want until after I already had it. And, like with the B-team at a strip club, you can’t unknow something.   

It’s a “be careful what you ask for” situation, that’s for sure. Yes, there are great bonuses to being in the know. I’ve been the person before that people come to first for restaurant suggestions. I know a fair amount about beer and wine, so when someone has a question, I can usually answer with a reasonable amount of certainty. And let’s not forget about wedding and party planning. I have those answers tucked away, Rainman-style. But there can be drawbacks to knowing too much. Information sometimes hurts. It’s the major underlying issue with asking questions, isn’t it? How many times have I been told (or even said): don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.   

So I have to learn to temper my insatiable appetite for information. Because the reality is, there are some questions I simply do not want the answers to.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch

On living through art...

There is quite a bit of art in the world that I truly love. From friends photography to ancient sculptures, I'm kind of a sucker for art.

There are two pieces that I've been in love with for a really long time.

Water Lilies by Claude Monet

and

Winged Victory (Nike)

I've loved Water Lilies for as long as I can remember. I honestly don't know the first time I saw a photo of the painting, but I will never forget the first time I saw the piece in person. December 2000. In Paris. At the Musee d'Orsay. It was then housed on the second floor of the museum and I just sat down and stared at it. The painting is enormous...takes up a wall in the museum. I sat on a bench near it and looked at it. I was with my mom and sister that day. They walked away from the painting without realizing I was still sitting there. I must have been in that room for a half hour or more before they came back to get me. It was (and still is) a very happy place for me to be.

But if there's one piece of art that truly moves me to tears, it's Winged Victory. She's just stunning. An absolute mass of strength and beauty. It sits at the top of a massive stairwell in The Louvre. I remember walking around the corner and coming up on her. Holy God, she is beautiful. I took photo after photo of her and then, much to my great dismay, all the film from my first trip to Paris got exposed and I lost everything. It was a bad day when I found that out. Then, in 2007, I was given a small bronze statue of her and I about cried. She sits on my dresser and is filled with loads of memories. And, in a brilliant twist, I had the chance to see her in real life about a year and a half ago. And much like the first time, I was stunned by how beautiful she is in person...and, mercifully, technology had advanced such that I had a digital camera that day so no worries about exposed film!

There's probably a million other works of art I could tell you I love. The art and writings that I saw in Japan were breathtaking, not necessarily because of their beauty, but because of how ancient they are. There's nothing quite like looking at a journal entry from an emperor who lived in the 1200s. I mean honestly. I can't even wrap my head around how old that is.

Buildings alone, pretty much anywhere but America, are works of art, in and of themselves.

But yes, if I have to choose favorites, Water Lilies and Nike are the tops for me. 

On hopes, rather than resolutions...

It's the time of year when many of us make resolutions to be better people in the new year. I've been known to make resolutions in the past...some have been attainable (eat at as few chain restaurants as possible, see a Broadway show, etc.) and others have been totally ridiculous (walk to Russia, etc.).

2012 is bound to be a year when I become a markedly different person. There's really no way around that. So instead of making resolutions this year, I think I'm just going to make a list of hopes for myself.

I hope that I can be a happier person on a more consistent basis. I hope that my writing will improve and that I can get off my bum and do more with Clutch Weddings. I hope that I can learn to be selfish and take time for myself and for what I want to do more often. I hope that I spend more time outside. I hope that my faith experiences yet-unseen depths. I hope that I get to travel, both domestically and internationally. I hope that I will continue to love my job.

But if I have to make a resolution, I'm resolving to learn how to handle a gun, get my conceal & carry, and buy myself really fancy Christmas present in December.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch

On a year gone by....

This is usually about the time of year when I start to reminisce over the last twelve months and think about what I've done, where I've gone, things like this.

To be sure, there were a lot of great things that happened this year. Todd got a wonderful new job doing something he's very passionate about and also very good at. The company is perfect for him. Hilariously, we both interviewed for the same job, me about a half hour before he did. We both nailed the interviews, but for reasons that were pretty obvious (at least, to me), he was the better suited candidate for the position. And he got it.

New York City was quite the adventure as well. I thought I'd be prepared for that city, having watched enough SATC, Friends, and numerous other TV shows. Nothing can really prepare a person for their first time in NYC. It's busy and overwhelming and full of more sights than you can possibly see in just one week. But they also have shoes there. Oh, the SHOES!! Jimmy Choo has been kind to me and while they run at least $800 a pair, I have found a new (albeit pricy and unhealthy) addiction. Eeshk! It was an incredible trip...we at amazing food, saw beautiful art (in the form of clothing, thankyouverymuch Alexander McQueen), walked a million and twelve miles, everything a person should do when visiting the City.

I got a new job myself...with a company that's pretty much a perfect fit. It also doesn't hurt that there's pizza here on a fairly regular basis *grin*. I love working here, I love my co-workers and customers, and I'm excited to go to work pretty much every day. It's exhausting most days, but even that I'm fine with. This place is incredible and I'm grateful every day for the chance to be a part of it.

2011 is not without its heartbreak though. If you know what I'm talking about, then you know; if not, it's not to worry about. I'm ready to start moving past it, in whatever capacity that looks like. Even on my most certain and sure days, I'm still a mess of insecurity and uncertainty. It's the nature of the beast. It's not like there's a sure-fire way to deal with it either. No one can tell me exactly what steps to take. It just has to happen the way that it's going to happen. I think the uncertainty is what makes it the hardest. No one plans for it or expects it.

So yes, 2011 has been a mismash of just about every experience and emotion. Here's to learning from all of it and moving into 2012 with some amount of grace and dignity. Maybe that'll be my New Year's resolution.

If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.




Contact Use.The.Clutch