Monday, January 24, 2011

On choosing your next battle....

Lacking direction or focus is one of the most frustrating places to get stuck. Often times, though, we wind up there of our own volition. We do it to ourselves. Not all the time, but most of the time, it would seem. There is always something to do or somewhere to go or someone to be. It's just that we get caught up in where we are right now and forget about all the dreams we had for ourselves...and tragically, we can come to that realization far too late in life.

Recently, I wrote a post asking the ever-fearful, "Now what?" after graduation. I had a friend (who is wildly smart and insightful) tell me to keep learning, to keep growing because if I didn't I'd get in a complacent rut very very quickly. A mere four weeks after graduation, I'm already starting to feel the effects of complacency and general lack of direction. That's the thing about goals. It's what's really so important about having goals, to be honest. It gives you somewhere to go, something to achieve. So once a goal is reached, there's another one that needs to be put into place.

Todd and I had certain goals in mind that had to be met before we would consider having children. We wanted a house with a yard, we needed me to be done with school, and we want to take one last blow-out vacation before we take the next 18-25 years to raise decent human beings. The house and school goals have been realized and by June we'll have taken that last vacation. I'll clarify here, lest Todd's head explode, that we will still travel with and without tiny humans, but the extravagance and frequency will certainly be slowed.

Having kids is a goal we've made as a couple and while it's an important and life-changing goal, I think it's equally as important to have personal goals out there. Todd's personal goals typically center around his budding writing career. He's had one book published, another is being looked at, another is in the pitch process, and yet another is currently a work-in-progress...all this while he get his ass handed to him by a 45+ hour/week day job. He sets a goal and goes for it with a great deal of personal gusto, if I do say so myself.

The personal goal is my struggle "for the nonce." Spending so long working toward something has kind of stalled whatever current goals I might have. Yes, I'd like to lose 10lbs and run a marathon, but fitness goals are a different type of goals entirely. What are my personal goals? What should I set my sights on? Publication? General recognition in my "field" of writing? Should I try to write the book Todd keeps pressing me on? Should I aim for that high-paying career which I devote my entire life and all my energies to?

Indifference and complacency is certainly not a goal to be achieved or desired, yet both seem to come all too easily and, sadly, naturally for most of us. So what are your current goals? How do you go about setting a new goal or narrowing down your list of goals?







If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.
Subscribe



Friday, January 7, 2011

On doing what comes naturally....

I have a good friend that runs a really fantastic blog about her adventures in home ownership. She and her husband are wildly talented at building and decorating so seeing their home and it's progress is simultaneously motivating and jealousy-inducing (in only the best ways). More often than not, she does something to her house and I respond with, "That's what I wanted to do, but didn't know how!" which makes me laugh. I find it entertaining that I can have these ideas in my head, but can never get them out into reality. My favorite thing she's done so far (of the umpteen things they've done to their house in the 12 months they've owned it) is the giant mirror over the fireplace. I've always wanted to do that, but couldn't ever figure out if it would look right. Turns out, it's beautiful! So, if she doesn't mind, I might end up "stealing" that idea.

None of that is really what this is about.

What I find so wonderful about her blog is that she's found a way to pour her expertise into something she truly loves and enjoys. I get the feeling that she likes her job (which is interior design, but on a much larger scale than homes), but she thrives, really comes alive, when she's working on her home. We should all be so lucky to have that combination: skill and passion (and get paid for it, to boot!). So often, it seems like what we're passionate about isn't always what we're skilled at...and vice versa. I'm good at customer service and paperwork, but I get exhausted by it quickly. I love decorating and making things pretty, but I kind of suck at it. I do, however, love food and am VERY good at eating it. Too bad I can't get a job doing that! I digress.

I think this might be the time in my life when I find a hobby that I'm either good at or can become good at. I want to start with making my house a home. We've lived there for about eight months and in that time, I've just been too busy with other (somewhat more important) things to really make that place "homey." I'm ready for it to feel like we really live and belong there.

Whatever I end up doing with this free time I now have, I had better enjoy it. Because what's the point of doing something if you don't enjoy it? Hmm...this statement suddenly rings true on so many levels.



If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.
Subscribe



Thursday, January 6, 2011

On figuring out who you are....

I feel like most of us spend a substantial portion of our lives trying to define ourselves. What is it that makes us who we are? What is that one "thing" that we do or are that tells the world (or, at the very least, our friends and family) what makes us tick? For some, that "thing" is a job or career. For others, it's a hobby. Maybe it's an emotion. Maybe it's "wife" or "husband" or "parent." Whatever it is, however we choose to define ourselves, it takes work. We become fully invested in cultivating, sometimes even perfecting, the definition we've chosen for ourselves. It becomes a job, in and of itself.

So what happens when that definitive "thing" suddenly changes or stops altogether?

For the last several years of my life, I've defined myself primary as "student." I've done and been other things at the same time, but "student" has always been the big one. Almost my whole world was consumed with the idea of being a student and everything that goes along with it. My studies were the first and last thing I thought about every day. I spent nearly all my lunch hours doing homework and most of my evenings were absorbed by the same things...reading, writing, testing, etc. If someone asked me "what I did," the response was almost always, "Well, I'm a full-time student and...". Everything else beyond my studies was basically secondary. Everything else took a backseat to me being a student. Being a student was everything to me. I didn't want to just do well in my classes. I wanted to kill 'em. I wanted a 4.0 so badly I could taste it (Biology and Latin really screwed me in that department, but whatever...Cs get degrees!). I spent eleven years in some college or university, applying myself to whatever classes I was in at the time.

Then it finally started to kick in and I saw a tiny light at the end of this massive tunnel I'd dug for myself. I was actually going to graduate by the time I was 30. I'd spent so much time screwing around with my life and education that I honestly never thought I'd finish a degree. It took forever to finally figure out what I wanted to do with my education (which, in and of itself, is hilarious because I ended up coming back to the one thing I've always loved). I started over no less than four times so I just resigned myself to being a life-time student. That's just how it was going to be. And then I came to the final semester of my senior year and it hit me that I'd completed this previously-unattainable goal I'd set for myself. I powered through all my classes and kicked their asses. I finished strong and well.

And then...

It was just...over.

Eleven years of defining myself as a student and it's all just gone. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't go back to it. It was hard and I took a path that is 100% unrecommendable, I assure you. I think that I'm just a bit confused on how I'm defined now. What do I call myself? What do I throw myself into now that the ONE THING that consumed me for so long is just gone?

Now before anyone gets all up in arms about this, don't worry. Being defined as "Todd's wife" is by and large one of the most enjoyable things to be called. And one day, I'll look forward to being defined as "mommy."

I just don't know what to do with all this free time. I had a very strict schedule that I stuck to for years so not having that structure now is very foreign to me. I don't want to just be a bump on a log and watch TV all night, every night. I like to read and I started going to the gym again. I'm quite enjoying that. I've considered going back to mentoring junior high and high school girls, but I'm not sure I'm in a place to do that again. I really really really want to have my Martha Stewart house that I've always dreamed of, so I'm very much considering pouring myself into that venture. I have a list a mile long of things I want to do to the house and I'm willing to put in the time to make it all happen. I just need the money, too...and I tend to be impatient when I get my head set to something.

The point here is that, more often than not, when one things ends, something else is usually right around the corner. For me, that hasn't been the case. My one big thing just ended. So I struggle with my definition now.




If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.
Subscribe



Monday, January 3, 2011

A decade in review....

So...it's January. The beginning of not only a new year, but a new decade! It's exciting to think about what the future holds (I have my hopes for what my own will hold) and interesting to think about all the things that have happened over the last ten years, to me and to the royal we.

In 2000, I dropped out of school (for the first time) and started working for a cabling company in town...my first "big girl" job. It was exciting and overwhelming and about a year and a half later, I chose not to work there any longer.

In 2001, a couple of guys thought it would be a good idea to run some planes into some buildings, forever changing the way I (and probably most of us) viewed the world at large. It was an epic day, for innumerable reasons. My boss at the time was from NYC and had family there as well as in the Pentagon. That day (and the following week) was a bit of a wash at the office. Two of my friends were in the Navy and I was sick every day until I found out where they were and that they were "safe" (I airquotes that because being in the military, is one every really "safe"?). That's about all I remember from that year.

2002 - 2005 were a bit messy for me, though I did start going back to school (only to drop out again about half-way through those three years). It was a time in my life that I don't really enjoy thinking about and that's okay. I did, however, meet my future husband in 2005, so that made the year a bit better for me, to say the least.

In 2006, I moved into a house with some remarkable ladies and we shared much food and laughter in that space. I miss living and learning with them. The TMJ was a fantastic place to live, no question.

In late-2007, I married the aforementioned man in the lovely town of Golden, CO. Sharing that day with most of our family and so many of our friends is something I'll never forget. I never tire of looking at our wedding photos and remembering all the magic that happened that day. The dancing, the singing, the vows, the weather...it was all perfect. I'd do it a hundred times over again, just to relive how fantastic Todd and I felt that day.

In 2008, I kicked my education into high gear by transferring to CU, which (in my estimation) has a vastly superior English Writing program to the one I was in at the time. Not only that, I started taking classes like I was a full-time student with a part-time job. I assure you, I was not. My advisors recommended that I scale things back a bit, but after having been in college since 1999, I was ready to push through and get done. I learned a lot about myself in that year and came to define myself as a "student." School consumed me, in both healthy and not-so-healthy ways.

2009 defines itself as the year we traveled like crazy. Between Japan and Alaska, our bank account dwindled, but we fell in love with parts of the world I never thought I'd see. I kind of want to move to Japan. At the very least, I'd like to visit again, hopefully at Christmastime. I hear they're nuts about Christmas over there...so I'll fit right in!

2010 brought with in about as much drama and happiness as 2005 did. I hope this isn't a pattern. Between some heavy personal things, work, school, and church, life got pretty nuts. I choose to focus on the good and eliminate the bad. I finally graduated from college, a feat that took forever, but that I refuse to diminish just because it took as long as it did. We also bought a house which, in and of itself, is worth being excited over! I love finally having our own place and being able to set it up and decorate just how we want.

So with a new decade and new possibilities in front of me, I refuse to let anything but the "good" happen to me. I resolve to live a drama-free life. I choose to be happy and joy-filled and surround myself with only the best. I've had about enough "bad" to last me several years, I think. I resolve to let GOD and Karma take care of the bullsh*t and to press on knowing that I can control much of what happens to me.

Here's to another year and another adventures!




If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.
Subscribe



Top Ten of TwentyTen

(I forgot to publish this on December 31, 2010...so just pretend).

Being the last day of the year and all, it's the time of year when many of us bloggers reminisce on what we did (or did not do) over the last twelve months. So here is my official Top Ten of TwentyTen for your enjoyment. A departure of typical musings, yes; but fun (for me) nonetheless.

10. Visited Paris and Versailles, France with the Husband in June...one part congratulatory trip for Husband's book publishing, one part European getaway, and one part wedding for friends, this was an incredible trip for the both of us! I'm still trying to rid my body of all the cheese and wine I consumed.

9. Went on an epic ski trip with good friends to the far away Crested Butte (or, as I like to call it - because of how it looks - Mount Crumpit). There's really nothing like fresh, groomed powder and stopping halfway down a run for an ice cold beer at a bar made out of ice. I'm very much looking forward to our next trip in a couple weeks.

8. Got an iPhone 4! Blah blah blah to all the AT&T / Apple haters. This thing is fricking awesome! The organizational crazy head in me loves this handy little device. It went all Jerry MacGuire on me. It completes me.

7. Turned the ripe old age of thirty and celebrated in style! Todd threw me fancy schmancy affair and with the help of my family and dear friends, it was the most perfect party I could have imagined. So far, 30 is a pretty stellar age!

6. Stupidly took 12 credit hours during the summer semester and managed, miraculously, to only have one meltdown. While the meltdown resulted in a complete failure of my pink laptop, Todd was able to fix it (though not before the damn thing lost ALL of my data and schoolwork) and I pulled off a 4.0 that semester. It helped me prove to myself that I could do pretty much anything I set my head to.

5. Bought a house!! In January, we started looking earnestly for a house of our own and with some amount of dumb luck and a fantastic realtor, we found the perfect house in the perfect location. By April, we closed and on May 1, we moved in a started making it our own. It's a bit of a work in progress right now, but we love every bit of it and the dogs totally love the backyard (as do we)...I'm looking forward to spring and summer to start working on making the yard a lovely litte haven for us.

4. Made prime rib for the first time. Okay, so it's not an overwhelming accomplishment, but it leads somewhere. And hey, prime rib is a bit of an undertaking. And an expensive one, at that!

3. Threw my very first formal dinner party! I needed to do this to test out making a prime rib as it was going to be the main course for Christmas dinner, something I REALLY didn't want to screw up. The party, as far as I could tell, was a success and the June Cleaver in me can't wait to host more and more parties!

2. Hosted Christmas and Christmas dinner at our house! I've been wanting to hose a killer Christmas since I was about 12 years old. I love my family's traditions and the ones that Husband and I have created over the last five years, so it was nice to get the chance to do that at last! My plum pudding turned out amazingly and the prime rib (which I did a practice run on in #4) was too big but that just means left overs for us. Oh darn.

1. Probably the most epic thing that has happened to me in recent years (outside of getting married), I finally graduated from a university! Eleven long years and plenty of screwing around with my education, I finally finished and did it with some amount of success. Made the Dean's List a couple of times, impressed my advisor with my gumption, and created some of my best writing to date...I can't complain! It feels good to be done.






If you enjoyed this post, Follow this Blog or subscribe (below) to receive updates.
Subscribe