Slipping into delirium...

It’s amazing to me how tired I’ve been this week. I think I’m pushing myself too hard sometimes, but there’s really no way to stop myself now. What with working full time and going to school on top of that and then trying to lose weight and get fit…it’s really exhausting.

This is how I’ve always functioned though. It’s a really bad habit that I’ve made and I should just stop doing it.

This habit is that of over-scheduling and under-resting. Maybe I should re-think my Lent and give up doing too much this season.

While it’s true that I have learned to say “no” to certain things over the last few years, I have managed somehow to replace those “no’s” with other “yes’s”…and that is the inherent problem.

I can’t not go to school and I certainly can’t not work (thought the idea of being independently wealthy is appealing). So what else do I give up? Being with other people re-charges me so I don’t want to not do that. I just have this really awful thing in me that says I have to fill every moment of every day with SOMETHING.

I can’t quite describe how excited I am about being able to go to bed at 8pm on a weeknight without feeling bad that I didn’t do enough homework or studying that night. I want to be done with school. I’m enjoying the work and the learning, I really am. But I’m ready to be done. As my brother’s student said last week: I want to be an adult so I can start enjoying my life.

I’d re-phrase that and say “I want to be graduated so I can start enjoying sleep!”

I feel like I could take a thousand naps and still not be rested.

Tonight I will say my first “no” and not go to the gym. Rather, I will get home and go straight to bed prior to going out for dinner. Todd is mercifully going to walk the dogs for me which will garner me an add’l 15-20mins of sleep.

Regardless of the fact that I gained weight last week as opposed to losing, I will not be at the gym tonight. No worries…I’ll be back at it tomorrow and Sunday. But I think a nap is long overdue.