It'll never happen, but man, would I ever love to give up this intense hold I have on planning every portion of my life out to a "T".
Nothing ever really works the way it's supposed to. Or rather, the way I intend for it to go. Maybe it's me trying to play God in so many areas of my life. I don't know. It's just that I've always been able to plan ahead. And for the last year or so, it's been basically fruitless to try to do so.
I knew when I was going to graduate, how much money it was going to take, when we could have kids....basically, I just knew the how, when and where of every single portion of my life. And now that's just not going to be the case. At least for a while.
Rather, we're kind of back to square one. Things have to go on hold. Not forever. Just for a bit. I'm trying to think of the most functional and reasonable answer to so many things, but mostly all I really want to do is cry.
Not because I'm sad, but because I'm totally clueless anymore.
So here we go, one more time.
Prayers please?
i think for me it's just about trying to understand and accept that i am NOT in control....and as much as i don't like that - i have to face it. but at the same time i have to take comfort in knowing the God IS in control and He is A LOT smarter than me.....and so i have come to be somewhat ok with it....
ReplyDeletebut it still stinks sometimes.....
:o(