On reconciling faith with life.....

Probably most of you that read my posts have figured out by now that I am "religious." I hate that word. It has some hugely negative connotations. I also hate saying that I'm "spiritual" because, for me, it goes beyond that (though I have many many friends who consider themselves as such and I respect them for it). More and more, I find myself leaning toward saying that I am "a person of faith."

So here are some of the basics:
I grew up in a Christian home.
I love going to church and am pretty involved with my own.
I consider myself to be a Christian.

It's just that that word, in particular, also has such ugly connotations to some people. Ghandi once said that if Christians really acted the way they claim they're supposed to, not a person in the world wouldn't want to be a part of that. Sadly, that is so obviously NOT the case. The problem, I think, is that so many of us claim to live one way (love God, love each other), but we tend to be really judgmental about the rest of the world. It's difficult to reconcile the faith I grew up in with the faith I'm finding myself in.

I find myself living by the "holy" Golden Rule much of the time: Judge not, lest ye be judged.

As a greater portion of the country knows by now, Jennifer Knapp has come out...both as a lesbian and as a continued "person of faith." I have been stunned and, well, not stunned by the reaction, especially by the religious community. As soon as I read the article in The Advocate, I had two very distinct reactions: one of pride that someone of her popularity and influence could be so brave and one fearing the backlash from the community that embraced her for so long. Would they still? Would she care if they didn't? But most importantly, for me, What is my response?

I think I have several responses, honestly.
1. I don't really care about her sexuality. She's one of the most talented musicians I've ever heard and that's what I'm really interested in.
2. It's none of my business. Jennifer chose to come out; no one made her. It was something she felt she needed to do to be honest with herself.
3. From where my faith rests, I refuse to judge her. Period. I am (mercifully) not omnipotent, I didn't create the universe, and I certainly wouldn't want to responsibility of determining who is "good" or "right" and who is not.

Jennifer remains, in my eyes, one of the most profoundly influential musical influences in my life. I was talking with my husband about this very topic the other day and Jennifer's lyrics came to my mind. Her music has been (and I hope will continue to be) deeply personal. I believe that, because she puts so much of who she is into her music, it transcends boundaries that a lot of other "Christian" music simply cannot and does not.

I often struggle with contemporary "worship music" because the lyrics just sound so manufactured and repetitive. They don't feel personal. I can't resonate with them. I have a friend whom I used to lead worship with at my church... a brilliant musician and lyricist. His music affects me. It gets me at the core. So it would be easy to say, "Well, his music affects you because you know him." True. But I don't know Jennifer Knapp on a personal level. I've met her once, shared brief commentary with her on our educational pursuits, took a photo, and went home. I certainly do not know her, and yet her music continues to resonate with me.

Jennifer's music is like that perfect poem that, every time I come back to it, months - even years - later, says something different each time. She's the lyricist that people could say, "That's what I wanted to say, but had no idea how."

So now, with all the hullabaloo surrounding her, should we completely write off Jennifer and her music?
I should hope not.

Watching Larry King Live the other day when she was being interviewed, I was appalled by some of the things that were said about and to her (mostly by Pastor Bob Botsford). And here's where my opinion is going to come screaming in to this issue without apology.

I am shocked that someone who would profess to be a studied man of the Bible would come at her with the vengeance that he did. Barking religious rhetoric, interrupting Jennifer, and generally sounding hypocritical. Ironically, one of the most logical statements of the interview came from Larry King himself to Botsford: "Her 'sin' may be different than yours, but it's just different."

Hmm. Let's think on that shall we?

Botsford claimed time and time again that "sin is sin" which, if you grew up in a religious home, you know what that statement means. Yet mere seconds after making such a statement, he would back-peddle so that he could sound as if homosexuality was somehow "worse" than all the other sins. Sorry, sir. You cannot have it both ways.

I know that there are already people who are asking, "How can a person be both a homosexual and a Christian?" For me, the answer is more simple than it probably should be. I think those two things, sexuality and religion, are as mutually exclusive as politics and religion. Maybe I live in a much for idealistic world than a lot of people, but I'm definitely of the opinion that there are certain things that don't have to be in constant competition. Jennifer raised a good question (which was never fully answered) to Botsford during the interview: What if a young girl in your congregation was struggling with identifying her sexuality? Would you really want her to choose between that and her faith?

My question, to follow that one up, would be: What would you do if she chose her sexuality? Would you condemn her? Would you alienate her from the religious life she's known forever? And then, frankly, what do you think Jesus would do?

I have to believe that Jesus would welcome her. I cannot, in good conscience or faith, sit back and think that Jesus - the man that preached nothing more than love itself - would turn his back on a girl who is trying to come to grips with her faith and her sexuality. At what point are we going to stop seeing homosexuality as such a stigma? At what point can we just accept a person for the simple fact that he or she is a person?

Can you honestly imagine a world where someone who didn't like pepperoni on her pizza could be ostracized in a similar manner? That a person who suddenly outted themselves as a "person who doesn't like the color blue" should suddenly be written off even if his writings or music were some of the most profound topics to ever be broached? Let's not forget that Jesus himself was punished and ultimately killed for simply living a lifestyle that was markedly different from that of the time.

So what do you think? I am actually asking for legitimate responses here.

I'm sure that, from my friends who are also religious/spiritual/etc., there will be eyebrows raised and questions asked about this post. I welcome comments and discussion (graced with civility, of course), and I hope that those of you that don't have religious leanings will offer your comments as well. What I really hope for all of this is that we can all take a step backward and really consider what we think and feel before rushing to any harsh conclusions. I hope that whatever conclusions we all come to are well-thought and founded in reason and not just what we've always believed or been told. I hope that grace and dignity can overwhelm other, less rational reactions.




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