On changing things up....

In less than one week my life has changed - and will change - dramatically. I quit my job a week ago today. This whole "early retirement" thing was a shock to the system. I'm still waking up at 5am every day and I'm pretty sure I'm more tired now than I ever was when I was working full time. Running errands, spending more time with the dogs, cleaning like a crazy person, doing yard work...it's madness! Each day, I get home from running around and it's all I can do to haul myself up to my bedroom and collapse onto the bed. I definitely did not expect that. 

To be fair, it's been a lot of fun stuff. I went on an eight mile bike ride yesterday, which I'd been itching to do. What I failed to take into consideration was the amount of hills in my city combined with my single gear cruiser bike. I looked a hot mess by the time I got home! I've gotten to go running without worrying about time. Grocery shopping during the day, however, is a complete joke. I'm certain that drivers are worse in the parking lots at one in the afternoon than they ever could be at six in the evening. Ridiculous. 

For the first three days of "retirement," I had plenty to keep me busy. Then yesterday, the boredom set in. I had absolutely nothing to do. And it sucked. I didn't really want to drive anywhere because gas is so expensive. Which also meant I couldn't take myself out for lunch. It was too hot to run or bike. The dogs were happy playing in the backyard. I had nothing to cook and didn't want to make cupcakes. All the laundry was done. My stuff is as packed as it can get. Seriously, there was nothing to do. 

I think that's my biggest fear when I finally get to Virginia and have all the free time in the world. I suppose the dogs and I will be taking many trips to the local dog park. I'd love to try to do yoga on my own. And I'll need to start running again in earnest. It's just that everything costs money. And we're trying our hardest to get rid of nearly all our debt before we move to Maryland, so spending money in Virginia isn't really going to be an option. It even costs money to go to the beach! Annoying. 

I've read blogs and advice columns from women who are housewives without kids and I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to do with all my time. Outside of cleaning and cooking, what does one do with no money and all the time she could imagine? It's kind of funny to me, how drastically things have changed. I used to have money and no time. Now it's just the opposite. Harumph. 

I have a list a mile long of things I want to make when I get out there. The very first thing on my list is chocolate chip cookies. I've been struggling with those stupid cookies for nearly 15 years so I'm hoping the elevation (or lack thereof) will help me finally master my recipe. Fighting with recipes can be fun, but only for so long. It's high time I get those cookies under control. 

So there you have it. "Retirement," while awesome, is also going to take some getting used to. At least initially. I watched a TV show the other day where one of the characters retired (like, really retired, not just quit a job because he could) and he didn't really have any idea what to do with himself. I found myself identifying a little bit. I mean, when you've spent your entire life (or what seems like your entire life) working and suddenly you don't have to do that anymore, what are you supposed to fill all the time with? It's a real problem. A real question. 

I'm going to write (I really can't wait to get an office set up in our house in Maryland). I'm going to cook (it's going to be a lot like Julie & Julia. I'm just going to learn to make all the things I've been wanting to learn). I'm going to become a brilliant mixologist. I'll throw parties. And, my body will thank me for this, I'm going to keep running and doing yoga. And maybe I'll even go swimming from time to time, despite my fear of the ocean (I'm really going to need to get over that). Maybe I'll learn to make jewelry. I want to learn how to decorate cupcakes better. 

There's plenty to do. It's just a matter of doing it. And getting used to it. 

And maybe there will be kids involved someday...



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On the fear of debt collectors....

1 Timothy 6:10 - For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I’m convinced this is one of the most misquoted pieces of Scripture out there. More often than not, it’s simply stated that “MONEY is the root of all evil.” False. That’s never been true. Money can’t inherently be evil. If it were, there are lot of necessities that we’d probably end up stealing.

The LOVE of money, however…that kind of evil makes sense. At least, it does to me.

I wonder, though, if it goes further than just loving money.

I’ve never considered myself a lover of money. I mean, I like having it and I like spending it, but I wouldn’t say I’m in love with it. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m terrified of it. I’ve spent the better half of my life living in fear of money. I hate debt. I hate being in debt. I hate worrying about how my bills are going to get paid.

My entire life, it feels like I’ve been a slave to money. Okay, not my entire life. But basically since I got my first car when I was 17. I’ve always owed someone money for something. Cars. Houses. Education. Credit cards (damn those necessary and evil things). And it’s the owing of money that has me terrified of money. I always wonder if I’ll have enough to retire on or if I’ll be able to support (or help support) a family or if I’ll get to travel the way I want to.

I’m a master budgeter. I have finances planned out for the next two to three years. In some ways, it makes me feel more comfortable. In other ways, I think if I deviate – even slightly – from that budget, everything will fall to pieces. I give myself very little wiggle room when it comes to money. I put a plan in place and I try desperately to stick to it. And when I inevitably don’t, I punish myself for it.

So is being afraid of money essentially the same thing as loving money?

I’d wager to say “yes” (ah haha…money pun). It really is.

What I think Timothy really meant is that being a slave to money, either through love or fear, isn’t healthy and distracts us from things that are so much more important. Things like taking the time (and money) to enjoy our families and our lives. Or giving back to the church (if you’re the Jesus-lovin’, church-goin’ type). Or simply not living in fear of the tiniest amount of debt.

I’m not suggesting anyone should be flighty or reckless with cash. I’m just suggesting that maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the way I view money, debt, and finances in general. And, because I am the Jesus-lovin’, church-goin’ type, maybe I re-think this fear of money and learn to trust a little more.

Things have a way of working themselves out. Fear not.

On taking a different route....

Working mom v. Stay at Home mom. 

Hell, working WOMAN v. Stay at Home WOMAN. 

It's quite a choice to make, isn't it? 

While I've never been a mother, I have been a woman for, well, just over 33 years now. And I've been working for 17 of those years. Like, legitimately working. Hard. I started working when I was 16 years old and haven't stopped. I got my first corporate job when I was 20 (after I dropped out of college) and basically just kept climbing that stupid ladder from then. I've been an executive assistant, a contracts liaison, an insurance agent, and, most recently, sales/service for a cheese company. I've made very small steps in my career, but each step has been both up and forward and, for me, that's is progress. 

During all that nonsense, I also finally completed my Bachelor's degree, something I honestly didn't think I'd ever do. It was hard and painful. There were plenty of tears and late nights and exhausted mornings (because I was still working full time). 

So working has become normal for me. A routine. I've done it for more than half my life at this point. And frankly, I like making money. I like being able to buy things and go out to dinner and have fun. 

And in one week, all of that is going to end. 

I'm "opting out." 

I'm choosing to spend my time taking care of a husband and a home (not to mention two little doggies). Part of it is out of necessity. I'm moving to one state for only about five months before moving again to another state where we'll be for three years. So a five month hiatus from the stress of my current life doesn't sound all that bad. But once we get to state # 2, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I should try to get another job. I suppose those first five months will help me decide. Will I be bored? Will I feel useless? Will I want to contribute - financially, to our home, and professionally, to the world? Will I feel like I'm missing out on something? My biggest fear, however is: Will I feel like I'm taking advantage of my new husband's career and finances? My second biggest fear is: Will I feel guilty for "wasting" my expensive, hard-earned college degree? 

My dream job, for as long as I can remember (except for that time in high school when I was sure I was going to be in the CIA) has been to write. I want to get paid to write. More recently, that became an even more focused desire to write for Vanity Fair. If you've never picked up that magazine, I highly recommend that you do. The writing is brilliant. If you need some back issues to look at, I have some recommendations. It's the perfect read for me...fashion, culture, op-ed, history. It's everything good about magazines without being weighed down by garbage (though it is quite a heavy magazine...thank God for the iPad edition!). That's the publication I want to write for. The reality is that it's probably way too late for me to start trying to go for that. So I just need to find other ways to write and get paid. 

The truth is, I think I'll love being at home. I've often wondered why more companies don't offer a telecommute option, regardless of whether someone is a parent or not. I've found that most people are far more productive at home than they are in an office (at least, some of the time). There are fewer interruptions and, frankly, it's nice to not have to wake up at 5:30am to take a shower and dress is business casual. Somedays, a girl just needs sweatpants, a pony tail, endless coffee, and a laptop. Talk about efficiency! It's the lack of making money and helping our financial situation that bothers me. 

I've thought about volunteering to curb any potential boredom, but that's really just working without getting paid and, as I've said before, I like making money. I also don't want to work at Starbucks or a bar. Well, to qualify, I don't want to work at some crappy dive. If I worked at a bar, it would have to be somewhere that I can be creative and not just sling beer. I want to do something that interests me. Even working part-time, I want to be challenged and intrigued. I want to contribute. 

So there you have it. "Opting out" is never going to be as easy as it sounds. There are so many variables to consider. And not one "opt out" person is like the next.